I tell Brynnlee to stay upstairs because I know the words I am about to hear and I don't want her to see my reaction. I ran down the stairs opened the door and said "something happened to Logan and Chad, didn't it?" The male and female officer look at me confused and asked if someone already notified me. I replied no but that I knew they were coming. They came inside and confirmed what I feared most. "Logan and Chad's boat capsized and they are missing". I ask about Renny "He was the only one that made it to the shore". At this point I knew that it wasn't good and started to cry hysterically. The female officer turns to me and says "Ma'am we need you to calm down, your daughter is upstairs and this is just as awkward for us as it is for you". I remember thinking I'm sorry for making it awkward for you, but this is my life, this is just your job and and my whole world is crashing down on me. I know she meant well but that is not what I wanted to hear. I called Logan's mom to let her know that I don't know details but that Logan and Chad went duck hunting and that they are missing and to get to my house right now. I called my parents and I don't understand how they understood me but I told them I need them to stay with my kids while I go to the Great Salt Lake, they were only at the district but minutes felt like hours. Meanwhile the police are asking me questions but I have just drowned out their voices, praying like I have never prayed before that they were on shore somewhere trying to build a fire and get service to call me.The knock on my door of Logan's mom brought me back to the reality of the situation and shortly after my parents were there to. It was decided that my mom would stay with the kids and my dad would drive me and Stephanie to The Great Salt Lake. I tried to remain as calm as I could but Brynnlee knew something was wrong and was trying to find her princess flashlight so we could go find her daddy.
We got in the car and panic starting setting in, I had so many people to call but I didn't even know where to start. I called my friend Alee because her husband is in the bishopric and I explained the situation and that it didn't look good. Then followed the phone calls to my best friends Sue and Sami. I am sure I was very hard to understand but I couldn't even breathe to get the words out to them. Next I called Dennis (Chad's friend} and he said that the Tohinaka's were already notified and down there. We pull up to the location where I can start to see trailers, helicopters, and sirens, right then I tried to mentally prepare myself for what I was about to face. We couldn't pull in there because the stupid news van was blocking the entrance. I remember yelling at my dad to let me out and that I will just run up there, I didn't care I just wanted to know what was going on. We finally get through and are told to go inside the search and rescue trailer to find out more information.
I open up the trailer door and the first person I see is Renny, I just gave him a big hug and was so relieved to see that he was okay, I think seeing him for the first time gave me hope that maybe they would be okay. I tried to talk to him but he was getting pulled in every direction from the detectives to be interviewed. One by one my family and Logan's started to show up. Logan's dad and his older brother Matt were on a hunting trip and were trying to get there as fast as they could. My mom later was able to come up while my sister in law, Sami, and my little brothers stayed with my kids. Every time I saw my friends or family I had another melt down. I remember it was freezing cold and search and rescue kept having to come back because the wind was picking up, each time they came back I felt more and more discouraged. It's now about 10:00 and we get pulled into a circle to be told that they found footprints and are now searching land with four wheelers to see what they find. I reassure myself and say see Tasha there is hope you have to have hope. I get to talk to Renny a little bit more and I just keep crying to him telling him that Logan can't swim and that he didn't have his life jacket. Renny tells me you cant drown in the Great Salt Lake because its so salty that you float, but that he also left his life jacket with Logan when he swam to shore. I just keep pacing back and forth in and out of the trailer trying to figure out what we were going to do either way this situation goes. Logan started a new job and so he didn't have health insurance and if he didn't make it, he doesn't have life insurance until January. I know I shouldn't have been thinking like that but I had to check myself out of that situation somehow and think about the outcome. I had to get out of the trailer because every time search and rescue, detectives, or the police would come in you could tell they had an update but would go in the back bedroom and shut the door so we couldn't hear. I go outside and see the Jeep and I just picture how just a few hours earlier I just saw him and everything was okay. Each hour that went by I was more and more discouraged and try to keep praying while we waited. I think waiting to confirm what I already "knew" deep down was probably one of the hardest/longest nights of my entire life. It's now about 11:30 and they call us into another circle to let us know the helicopters spotted the boat and two bodies but they don't know the condition of them yet. I didn't know what to think about this, they sent out a search and rescue and medics on a boat to recover the bodies, and the ambulance was ready to go. Seeing everyone getting ready with the stretcher and blankets brought more hope that they would be okay, and that I just need to stay positive even though my heart is telling me otherwise. Then came more waiting...
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