Now for the mushy stuff... This year was the hardest year we had yet, to say the least. I remember our last anniversary eagerly talking about getting ready for Beckham because he would be joining our family shortly, and how this was our last night out before the baby came, we were just oblivious of what would happen a couple weeks later. The number one thing even the doctor told us after losing Beckham and then Blakelee was to take care of each other. Grieving is hard on your own but even harder with your partner. It seemed like when I was doing ok he was at his low and vise versa. It was extremely hard to be that vulnerable and share the feelings I did with him, and him with me. I can see what a toll it took on our relationship, but also how close it brought us together. Every freak out or argument after that would be analyzed if it was what we were really fighting about or that we were just having a hard time with the loss. The thing I appreciate and love more than anything about Parker is his loyalty and ability to deeply love. He has seen me at my worst and darkest times and the ugly side of me I didn't even know I had until this past year, yet he continues to love me through it. We constantly saw each others grief "triggers"and had to help each other in incredibly hard and uncomfortable situations. I feel like we have gotten to know each on a level we otherwise wouldn't have if everything in this past year hadn't taken place. I warned him when we first met that sometimes my life can be a bit crazy and if he was looking for a boring and "normal" relationship that I wouldn't be the best girl for him, so we laugh now about looking back what we thought was the crazy part of our lives we had no idea what was coming. I knew when I first met him that he was different and that is what I loved about him, I couldn't imagine going through our crazy life without him in it and am excited to see what many many more years together bring.
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