After the fundraiser I had a million other things to do before we had to go down to the church. My sweet friend Sami paid for me to get my eyelashes done since I would probably be a blubbering mess and boy did they come in handy! By Friday Brynnlee started to realize that her daddy wasn't coming back, she started to lose her appetite and seemed depressed and I was really starting to worry about her. While I was at my lash appointment she took a nap and when she woke up she told me about the dream that she had. Her whole personality had changed from depressed to the cute, happy Brynn that I knew and loved. She told me that Jesus woke daddy up and took her and daddy to heaven, then daddy told her that he is sorry but she cannot see him anymore and only will be able to feel his spirit, he gave her a great big hug and said that he will always love her no matter what. Tears just started streaming down my face, throughout the craziness of the week I hadn't felt Logan at all and that's all I wanted. It gave me SO much peace knowing that he had been there to explain and comfort Brynnlee in a way that I never would be able to, I was so grateful to him for that. When I got into my car to head home to get ready it decided not to start, which I just had my aunt take me and it wasn't a big deal just not good timing at all.I stopped by my brother and sister in law Matt and Michelle's house to see the video tribute Michelle's sweet brother spent hours and hours on helping me make it perfect. I cried like a baby when I first watched it, it was absolutely perfect and I am so happy with how it turned out. Brynnlee watches that video a few times everyday she is obsessed with it, thank you Michael it means so much to us!
When I got to the viewing I was very nervous to see Logan again, I know I already saw him the first time but it had been 4 days so I didnt know what to expect. I had been going back and forth and praying on whether or not to have Brynnlee see him or not, I didnt want to traumatize her and yet I didnt want her not to get the closure she needed, I decided that after I saw him and if he looked like he did the first time then I would let her see him. I went into the relief society room where I saw him in the beautiful casket I picked out all dressed in his white temple clothes and I was so overwhelmed. When I walked about to see him I about passed out, for the first time I really grasped the concept of without the spirit your body is just a shell. He didnt even look like the Logan, his poor face was so bruised and his body and eyes were sunken in, it was really hard to see him that way. I had to touch his hair to prove to myself that it was really "him". Yet again it hit me so hard that he was not coming back, there was no way I could let Brynnlee see her daddy like that. I wanted her to remember all the good memories and images she had of him not him lying there lifeless in the casket. My sweet ward had someone helping out in the nursery so I didnt have to worry about Brynnlee coming in there at any point that night. I still hadn't really eaten anything that week and I felt like I could barley stand I was so physical and emotional exhausted and so weak. Food lost it's taste to me and anytime I tried to eat I would just throw it back up. It's amazing to me that my body felt the trauma of it all to and not just my heart. When the viewing started people just started pouring in, it was all just a blur to me but I remember the tremendous love I felt that night, I couldnt believe how many people showed up that night. Someone told me that they had waited in line for over an hour just to come in and see Logan and us, I had no idea so many people knew either of the families or let alone Logan. There was so much support it was amazing. Before I knew it, I had to say goodbye to Logan again and just like the first time it was REALLY hard, I couldn't watch them close the casket and see them wheel him out so I just went in to see my kids and family. It was a long emotional night and I knew the next day would be even longer.
I had all the brothers and dads pick out one of Logan's famous old man ties to wear to the viewing and funeral, I wish I took a better picture but this is as good as I got.
When I got to the viewing I was very nervous to see Logan again, I know I already saw him the first time but it had been 4 days so I didnt know what to expect. I had been going back and forth and praying on whether or not to have Brynnlee see him or not, I didnt want to traumatize her and yet I didnt want her not to get the closure she needed, I decided that after I saw him and if he looked like he did the first time then I would let her see him. I went into the relief society room where I saw him in the beautiful casket I picked out all dressed in his white temple clothes and I was so overwhelmed. When I walked about to see him I about passed out, for the first time I really grasped the concept of without the spirit your body is just a shell. He didnt even look like the Logan, his poor face was so bruised and his body and eyes were sunken in, it was really hard to see him that way. I had to touch his hair to prove to myself that it was really "him". Yet again it hit me so hard that he was not coming back, there was no way I could let Brynnlee see her daddy like that. I wanted her to remember all the good memories and images she had of him not him lying there lifeless in the casket. My sweet ward had someone helping out in the nursery so I didnt have to worry about Brynnlee coming in there at any point that night. I still hadn't really eaten anything that week and I felt like I could barley stand I was so physical and emotional exhausted and so weak. Food lost it's taste to me and anytime I tried to eat I would just throw it back up. It's amazing to me that my body felt the trauma of it all to and not just my heart. When the viewing started people just started pouring in, it was all just a blur to me but I remember the tremendous love I felt that night, I couldnt believe how many people showed up that night. Someone told me that they had waited in line for over an hour just to come in and see Logan and us, I had no idea so many people knew either of the families or let alone Logan. There was so much support it was amazing. Before I knew it, I had to say goodbye to Logan again and just like the first time it was REALLY hard, I couldn't watch them close the casket and see them wheel him out so I just went in to see my kids and family. It was a long emotional night and I knew the next day would be even longer.
I had all the brothers and dads pick out one of Logan's famous old man ties to wear to the viewing and funeral, I wish I took a better picture but this is as good as I got.
Logan's Tribute Video
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