The Great Salt Lake

All year I had been dreading this year mark. I heard many different things from people and it usually ended with just wait until the year mark then it will get easier, and you can move on. I'm not sure whats so special about a year or why that makes the difference but either way I didn't want all the memories from a year ago to come flooding back to me. We decided to go to the Great Salt Lake, have hot chocolate, and let off some floating lanterns in the water. I couldn't even drive past, hear, or see the Great Salt Lake without having an anxiety attack and getting sick to my stomach. Needless to say I was very very nervous to face that new found fear but knew I needed to do it and get some sort of  "closure". The day before the 17th surprisingly ended up being the hard day for me, I was a wreck and felt like I was starting over from square one with my emotions. The next day I woke up and felt pretty good, I decided to go see Karen Tohinaka and visit with her to make sure she was doing okay and we could just catch up on everything.

  When we got to the lake I anticipated that I would have an anxiety attack and turn the car back around and just drive home, but as we got closer surprisingly I only got sick to my stomach. I walked into the visitor center and saw all of our family and friends and I didn't feel sad or even upset like I thought, instead I felt love and support. It was so nice visiting with everyone and just sharing that with all of them. I went out on the deck and was just looking out on the water, when the harbor master from that night walked up to me and starting talking to me more about what happened that night. Some things he told me gave me peace others made me upset and sick to my stomach, but it was so nice hearing his side of what happened and what he also went through that night. I do feel like he answered some pretty big questions I had of the events that happened before I even got there. He told me that when I was ready he would take me out on the boat and show me the locations of where everything took place, I'm very grateful that he is so willing to help me find the answers and closure I need. 

 We walked down to the shore and wrote down a wish or memory of Logan and Chad and put the lanterns in the water and watched them float away. Standing there with my family and friends is exactly what I needed, it was so peaceful and beautiful. The Great Salt Lake is no longer the scary place that turned my life completely upside down and that I feared, but instead just gave me that peaceful closure that I had always wanted.