I get up and walk down stairs to where my sweet parents and brother Nicholas were sleeping on the couch. The news was on with Logan's and Chad's picture up there, and all the memories of the night before came flooding back to me. I had never ever thought that my husband and best friend would be on the news, it brought me back to the reality of the whole situation, that it really wasn't just a nightmare where I could just wake up, it became my living nightmare. I just curled up next to my mom and cried and kept telling her how bad it hurts. I felt like a little child who needed her mommy, I was not the strong woman I needed to be for my children. I just kept looking at the clock waiting for Brynn to get up, it made me absolutely sick to my stomach thinking what I would do if she reacted like I did. Being a mom you want to shield your children from any pain, and I felt so helpless in this situation not being able to keep this from her.
I heard her jump out of bed and run down the stairs. My parents and brother are sitting on the couch across from me just in case I can't spit the words out. I tell Brynnlee I have to have a very important talk with her and I need her to listen and pay attention. She sits on my lap and is getting nervous because everyone is staring at her. I tell her that her Daddy loves her very very much but that Daddy and Uncle Chad went back to heaven last night, she just sits there and kinda giggles nervously and asks why? I tell her that Heavenly Father and Jesus needed Daddy and Chad in heaven, so we won't be able to see them anymore. (in all reality I knew that's the truth but didn't make it any easier to accept). She just says "Oh that's really sad", and ran off to eat breakfast. I knew she didn't really understand but I didn't want to push too much on her at once. I was really relieved she handled it as good as she did, it doesn't surprise me though, that little girl has gone through so much in her short 4 years of life and doesn't even realize it yet. I may be bias, but she is an incredibly special little girl and in a situation like this I am very grateful for that strong personality.
I looked out the window and kept seeing Logan's mouse car on the side of the house and it reminded me that I needed to call his boss and let him know what had happened. I found Logan's work phone and was able to find his number, I was so worried on what to say. How do you drop news like this on someone, over the phone to? I called a few times and it being Sunday I didn't expect him to answer, the third ring he picks up and says "Hey Logan, what's up?" I tell him that it was his wife and that Logan had an accident while hunting and passed away. You could hear the hurt and complete shock in his voice not knowing what to say, he says over and over again that he is so sorry and can't believe it, he said that he will come over the next day to talk about things and that he needs to call some people and let them know. I thought the more times I told the story the more real it would become but it didn't. Throughout the rest of the day several people stopped by to see me but I don't remember who too much. I do remember just sitting on my laptop listening to Hillary Weeks bawling my eyes out, her music was the only thing that could remotely bring me "comfort" at the time. I remember Brynnlee getting frustrated with me because of how much I cried, I tried to not let her see me like that but I couldn't help it. She told my mom at one point "Ugh grandma your daughter is downstairs crying again". I have several nieces and nephews and luckily they came over to see her and kept her busy while we all tried to comprehend the situation. That day seemed almost longer then the night before. I watched several news stations with the story, and my facebook posts and pictures of my family were on T.V., I still couldn't believe that it was ME they were talking about and that it was MY husband that "left" his family behind. My brother in law Matt and friend Sue got a Zions Bank account set up for me so people could start making donations. The last thing on my mind at the time was finances, but I am glad someone was thinking ahead with that. The media ended up being a bitter sweet thing for me. Some of the comments on the articles were really hard to read but others brought me such comfort. The medical examiner called and asked if I wanted Logan to be an organ donor, I never thought I would ever have to answer that question but I knew he would want me to say yes no matter what. I don't know if anything ended up coming from that, but for some reason that question was very hard to answer for me. Stephanie (Logan's mom) let me know that she had contacted the funeral home in Magna that they always used, and that we had a meeting with them the next day to plan the funeral and that I would be able to see Logan, finally I had something to "look forward to". At least I made it through the first day, I felt like I was taking it hour by hour or even minute by minute.
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